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Archive for October, 2013

I will not quit.

I will not quit on myself.

I will not quit on my healing.

I will not quit on my health.

I will not quit on my journey.

I will not quit on my friendships.

I will not quit on my relationships.

I will not quit socially blossoming.

I will not quit in my pursuit of spiritual growth.

I will not quit in the creation of my spiritual foundation.

Because I am not a quitter.

I will persevere.

I will continue to become more confident.

I will heal my heart and my soul.

I will reach a point where I am confident in my physical body.

I will find content in my physical body.

I will find perfection in me.

I will heal, develop, and welcome old and new friendships

I will have a loving, thoughtful, deep, passionate relationship

Because life isn’t living without passion.

I will enjoy people to their fullest potential.

I will continue to learn and grow.

I will remain an observer.

I will be mindful of myself.

I will be mindful of others.

I will continue to give of myself.

I will rely and reference my faith throughout this journey.

I will be positive.

I will be happy.

I will bring all of these wonderful affirmations to the world.

I will do all of this because it is a part of who I am.

I will be patient, I will persevere.

I will be me, Brittany.

and I will be loved by myself and by others.

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I have exercised all day and have not found ease in a breath, how unusual.

I have sat in silence for an hour and still hear the roar of a city between my ears.

I am wound up, tired out, but still searching.

I am sitting despite the fact that I am cold.

I hoped that I could sit here until the sun came out and warmed my body.

I would sit until a significant thought would carry me back down the trail.

I am sitting with my back to the view of the lakes.

I tell myself, Turn around Brittany, but I can’t.

It is as if I am waiting for a fellow friend to come up the trail.

I will offer them a hug, say, Hello, my friend, and think to myself- I was waiting for you.

I feel unfiltered and raw but not like a gross Andy Warhol spin-off.

I feel present but this time there are no layers to peel away.

There is nothing to hide. No one to think about. Nothing to overcome.

Is this freedom?

I haven’t had this before. This sense of self.

I have always been alone but I am here, alone but feel connected.

No feeling of solitude.

Connected to myself, and I am O.K.

I feel like I am supposed to be thinking of something but my mind is blank.

Beautifully blank.

I don’t need to think. I don’t need to feel.

Just need to be. Just need to write.

I can’t feel my pulse and I remember feeling it all the time.

Is it because it is so far beneath the surface of me?

Have I mistaken it as a non-vital?

I hope the next stage of life is about letting my pulse radiate like waves of energy.

Waves of energy on the shore of a blank canvas.

I could live only from the heart- I used to be good at that.

A long time ago- breathing came easily to me.

These are the right steps.

You’re on your way home.

If connection is what you want, Britt, then you will find it.

If the trees could talk they would say, Brittany, we are getting to know you.

I am winding down now.

An eyelash just landed on my hand.

I’ll make a wish on it even if the eyelash isn’t my own.

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